I’ve put off getting my blog going for the longest time. I’ve always had reasons. Too busy, too much to say, not enough to say, too much to do…you name it, I’ve come up with the excuse. Truth is…I’m scared.
I’m scared that I will have something to say, but it will only be significant to me. That my simple life, my basic existence is simply too dull to chronicle for the masses. That this pull I’ve felt for years to put my thoughts into form and present them is just a pipe dream, and a waste of time.
My whole life, I’ve been scared of something. Always scared to jump in to something because what if? What if I fail? What if I succeed? What if I disappoint someone? If…if…if…
One could say I’ve ruined my life with all the ifs…that I’ve waited too damn long to decide what I wanna be when I grow up. I’m 42 now, and I still don’t have a direction, and some days that just eats at my soul.
Today, I was working, folding laundry and kind of zoning out…meditating as it were, and came to me. Maybe floating IS my calling. Now what, you ask, am I rambling on about this time? Rambling, that’s what.
Who made the rules that said we must, by a certain age, have decided on our life’s purpose (making sure it contributes to the GNP), put ourselves in debt to reach it, then slave away at it for the rest of our lives, love it or hate it? Why is there a stigma placed on those who never truly choose? Those who never settle down? What’s wrong with floating?
What if I stop looking at my life as a straight road with road blocks, tire strips, hard left turns, reroutes and tolls? What is my life has been a long, lazy, meandering river, with occasional rapids, a few little beaver dams, and some damn nice fishing holes? What if I’m meant to float?
As I float on, I bump into people along the way…some float with me awhile, others are busy paddling past…but these people I interact with, they’ve all had a purpose. Sometimes, it’s simply for me to be there at the right time to help them through a rough spot. Sometimes, they are there to teach me a lesson I desperately need to learn. Often times, I don’t know why they are there till much later.
I’ve never had what most feel is an important job, nothing really significant, just something to pay the bills, or fill the time, or pad the coffers. Nothing world changing…I’m not saving anyone’s life here, folding laundry and daydreaming.
All in all, my life hasn’t made a big splash in the waters…but I’ve been tossing pebbles for years, and making little ripples. I try to be a good person, to reach my hand out to those I see in need, to help kids, to support my husband and family and friends in whatever way I can. That matters, doesn’t it?
Somebody’s gotta lag behind and toss pebbles, for the waves to grow.
Come float on with me awhile…the water’s fine!